Two Commands for Parents of Prodigals

I hear this question everywhere I go: How do parents relate to kids they raised in the faith who no longer believe? I don’t have a magic formula or a silver bullet. My oldest kids—twin boys—are only nineteen. Our nest is still full. They still believe. And I know there are no airtight guarantees.

I’ve spent over twenty years in student ministry. I’ve seen kids from faithful, conservative homes who graduated from Christian schools or homeschools walk away from Christianity. I’ve seen public school kids from broken homes shine with genuine faith. And everything in between.

One of the most profound insights I’ve heard came from a Palestinian Christian theologian raised and still residing in Jerusalem. When asked what shaped him most, he shared a simple test his father taught him: If your theology doesn’t bless your neighbors, something is wrong with it.

That echoes James: if we claim to love the God we can’t see but fail to love people we can see, our faith is dead. And nothing has turned off young adults more than a faith that is alive to every hot topic under the sun but dead to the real life needs of others. Believe me or dismiss me. It’s one of the most common things I hear from people who have left the church or are in the process of finding their way out.

If you want to love your kids back, model a faith that blesses others. Let them see how your love for God moves you toward generosity, humility, and service, and away from ideologies that dehumanize and demonize others. Show them a faith that pushes you toward people unlike you. Toward the vulnerable.

Trust me—they’re watching. That will speak louder than sermons or Bible verses.

Many young adults have watched churches ignore the suffering around them while obsessing over politics. They’ve seen leaders abandon moral consistency for power. Parents who preached “the ends don’t justify the means” who in recent years have made that their default policitical justification. I regularly hear from many who simply feel betrayed.

You may think your kids have been brainwashed by the left. They think you’ve been brainwashed by the right. Political debates won’t fix that. Have they ever? Love is what wins people.

Ask yourself: is proving your political point more important than pointing them to Jesus? If your politics don’t bless your neighbor, something is wrong with them. For many young people, this is one of the top reasons they’ve left conservative churches. You can think that’s wrong or awful. Will harping on that help them change their mind?

After twenty-five years working with students, I can say this plainly: kids will walk away from a faith they experience as toxic and unhelpful.

But Jesus—rightly understood—leads away from toxicity and toward service. He pulls us out of self-justification and into love.

Jesus said it simply, the two commands we need to focus on are to love God and love others. And it’s our love for others that demonstrates our love for God is real—and worth paying attention to. And that kind of faith just might open a path home.